Albert Ellis developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), a concise, direct and problem-oriented therapy that focuses on solving specific problems that bother a person or, in the case of relationship counseling, distracting couples. Fundamental to REBT is the concept that our emotions stem solely from our beliefs, and not from the events that occur in our lives. Therefore, it is extremely important for our beliefs to be healthy and rational, because the consequences of these beliefs will be emotional growth and happiness. If our beliefs are irrational and doomed to fail, our emotional life suffers from neurosis, such as self-incrimination, depression, and anxiety. REBT is an educational process in which the therapist teaches the client how to identify irrational beliefs, challenge them and replace them with rational ones. In the case of relationship counseling, as soon as the couple’s client has healthy beliefs, the emotional difficulties and problematic behavior will be eliminated.
Ellis believed that people are born with a double potential for both healthy and unhealthy thought processes. He called a healthy process rational thinking and an unhealthy variety of irrational thinking. Rational thinking, as one would expect, means an objective perception of things as they really are, whereas irrational thinking distorts reality by misinterpreting what is happening.
At the core of REBT is the ABC personality theory. And it means an activating event, usually it is a kind of difficult life situation. An example of a stimulating event could be a teenage boy who was “piled” by his girlfriend. B is a belief that takes on and causes emotional surrender, presented by C. If faith is irrational (for example, the boy thinks “I am a loser”), the consequences can be depression or anger. Alternatively, if faith is rational (for example, “I am a valuable person”), the result will be only temporary sadness that the relationship is over. The key to Ellis' thought is that faith, and not a stimulating event, causes emotional surrender. Therefore, if a person has a number of irrational beliefs, then he or she is likely to experience a lot of emotional pain in life, since various problems arise. On the other hand, if a person’s beliefs are reasonable, then he or she can handle frustrating life events with aplomb. In other words, how you feel is primarily determined by how you think.
Where do our sabotage irrational beliefs come from? Ellis taught that we learn some of them from other people in childhood, and we invent the rest. This is the only way in which the past mattered to Ellis: our current beliefs are learned from past experience. The past cannot be changed, and REBT pays very little attention to the discussion of this issue; instead, REBT works to replace logical beliefs with logical ones.
According to Ellis, irrational beliefs are the cause of human neurosis, including depression and anxiety. Irrational beliefs tend to ignore the positive, exaggerate the negative, distort reality and / or over-generalize. REBT teachers that people tend to abuse “posts”, “musts” and “shouldugh”. Many of these self-proclaimed beliefs are raised in early life and become stronger as a person constantly revises them.
So, what irrational beliefs are usually considered in relationship counseling? Probably the most common of them is: “My partner should do what I think he should do.” Another irrational belief that is often found in relationship counseling is this: "I must have the approval of my partner."
As mentioned earlier, according to the theory of the personality of ABC, faith, and not an activating event, causes emotional surrender. When faith is irrational, emotions are not healthy. The consequences of irrational beliefs can be reliably mild (for example, delay), but they can also be extremely destructive, immobilizing, or even dangerous.
Ellis taught that unconventional self-acceptance and unconditional other acceptance are important for achieving well-being. Healthy people know that they are not perfect and will continue to make mistakes, but they consider themselves useless. They consider themselves valuable as a result of life; in fact, they enjoy life, and they have the ability to constantly enjoy. In the case of relationship counseling, unconditional other acceptance (of a partner) is just as important as unconditional self-acceptance.
Recalling ABC's personality theory, successful counseling on REBT relationships adds steps D, E, and F. D stands for the argument: the therapist helps couples challenge the irrational belief (B). Ellis suggested that the therapist would ask the couple if there is any evidence for the faith or what would be the worst way out if the couple refuses this belief. In therapy, a relationship counselor may indicate erroneous beliefs, but he or she also teaches clients how to challenge them in everyday life outside of therapy. The result of challenging the self-proclaimed faith and replacing it with the rational one gives an effective philosophy (E), as well as a new set of feelings (F) that do not exhaust.
Although the teaching of REBT that the consultant should demonstrate inconsistent full recognition, it is not recommended for the therapist to create a warm and caring relationship with the client. The task of the liaison consultant is to help couples identify and confront irrational beliefs and replace them with rational ones. The therapist is not even interested in the events of the past, which are the source of irrational faith; all that matters is relieving this belief in the present.
Successful collaboration in the relationship between the REBT therapist and the couple leads to changes in both individuals. . knowledge This leads to the fact that both sides feel better about each other. Overconfident thinking is subject to arrest and leads to behavioral changes. Both partners seek unconventional self-acceptance and unconditional other acceptance.
